crap

I have to get this out somewhere and since n one reads this blog ever or at all I can say it here. I think I am pregnant. There is a part of me that is absolutely delighted aout that but another part of me that doesn't want to be. Right now, I don't know which part is larger. Life was going so well. We finally got settled in our house. I (seriously) just finished puttin decorations up in N's playroom. If I am pg, his play room would become our bedroom, so that we'd have a bedroom for another baby. I am terrified and then I feel guilty if I think that maybe I'm not pregnant. I've had spotting for a day or 2, so I could be getting my period, but there are just oo many coincidences. I am tired, I am over emotional, I am peeing a lot. I'm not late, but I think I ovulated early. I am honestly terrified. There is NO way that we can afford another day care payment right now. I just don't know what to do.

Obviously, we wil figure it out, but right now I am just scared. Mostly for the baby's well being, My sugar is out of control, and has been for months. Granted, it was the same for N, but I don't want to go thru that again. Months and months of injecting insulin. After the baby's born, I can't take off all that time again, either. I guess all moms freak out when they find out about another one, and we aren't even that far yet. I can't test until at least Saturday. Ugh. I hate not knowing.