Thanksgiving

I think that today I will write in my blog. I have so very much to be thankful for. I know that sometimes I can forget to be grateful for what I have and focus only on the negative. I am going to make a point to try and stay more positive.
I still haven't lost any weight and am fairly certain I have gained so much more. I don't go to the gym any more, since we can't afford it, and I eat crap take out 4 days a week. I know that this needs to stop. I have to chagne my life, if not for me than for N. He needs postive role models in his life. He needs a chance to not be obese. He needs to not have to go through all the problems that I have and that my dad had. I have to make a change. I don't think Thanksgiving is quite the day to decide "From this moment on, I will eat healthy" but how about I just try. I know I can eat well, I just CHOOSE not to. I am a big, fat pig and I need to admit it.

I will try to put some exercize back into my life. I bought the Zumba DVD's and have never even opened them. I got the weight-loss hypnosis CD's and listened to them a few times. My excuse for not using them more often? The earbuds on my ipod hurt my ears. What crap!

Then of course, is the fact that I'd like to have another baby. Pat and I tried in June, July, August and September, with no luck. I'd blame it on bad timing, but come on, really? I have to admit that it's because of my weight. The first 2 times I was pregnant I was lighter. Obvioulsy it is my weight. I'm only 36! I have to change my life now, before I have no life to change. How could I do that to N?

I will start today, and maybe I can scrape together enough money to join weight watchers.