Leading a double life

Every time I write something here, I feel like I am leading a double life. I only do it becuase this blog is mostly private... anyone could stumble upon it and that's fine. But none of my friends, family, or current followers know about it, which gives me some anonymity. Which is good for things like today.

I am hoping hoping hoping that I am pregnant this month. I don't want to tell anyone this time for quite a while. Pat and I had sex Thursday, Friday and Sunday morning. SUnday should have been the day I ovulated, so we should have had great timing. I need two more days of elevated temperatures to confirm ovulation. Pretty sure I'll get those.

Oh, the dreams that I can have again... this baby would be due 3 days before Nathaniel was due. Thier birthdays would be very close together. I don't know how I'll manage that in the future. Two parties on two consecutive weekends? One of them would have to be the 4th of July weekend. I can't have this baby on the 3rd of July, because that's the date that dad died. While it would be a happy occassion then, it just doens't seem right. I'll have to make sure to mention that to the doctors.

But I am once again getting ahead of myself. I am not even pregnant yet. We wil only be trying until the end of the year. After that, we stop trying. I know where I can make sacrifices and where I can cut corners to save money. So long as Pat keeps working, everythign should work out fine. Yes it will be damn hard and I won't be able to think about taking a vacation for years (until this one is 3.) but I know that it will be worth it. I will try to wait until October 30th to test, but if I did ovulate on Sunday, then (in theeory) I could test on my birthday. Granted, that would only be 9 dpo, but possible to get a plus... I am going to really try to wait this time. Maybe because I don't want the dream to end so soon.

SO we play the waiting game again for a little bit.

And, yes, the first thing I thought of was being able to sing Christmas songs to my tummy again. I loved that with Nathaniel. It made me love Christmas even more.